I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
