I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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