We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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