there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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