why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
