If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
