i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
