Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
