Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
