I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love having hate sex.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
