Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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