So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
