she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
