TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
