you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
