She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
