Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
