some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's blow job season.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
