Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
