I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
