Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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