He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
