i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
