Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
