You really coming over, don't trick.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
