Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
