hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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