Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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