I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want to make out with him forever
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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