I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
