i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
