she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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