We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
