Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
