Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
