I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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