I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
