i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
