How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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