Your face is a jimmy john
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
