redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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