he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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