I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Even my vagina gasped.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
