i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i have two assholes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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