We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
