There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
