Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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