Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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