Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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