I wish I could punch you in the face.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
