Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
