My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
