she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
